Longing
by Xerian Poe
Summary: Heero finds himself dealing with hidden emotions as he visits Duo in the hospital. Warning: VERY Sappy, shounen ai, 2+1 (PG13 rating just to be safe)


Alright! Well, here's me second attempt at some GW fanfiction! And the only one that actually ever got finished. Lemme just say right off the bat that this story is not one of my favorites... and to this day I have to laugh at all the sappiness whenever I re-read it. Oh, and be warned... this fic is the direct result of listening to far too much Sarah MacLachlan late at night...well, with that in mind, enjoy!  
  
Title: Longing  
  
Author: Xerian Poe  
  
Pairings: 1+2   
  
Warnings: Lime, lots of sap! *giggles* That's the understatement of the year... And, as always, I don't own any GW characters or anything, I just use them to supplement my own twisted imagination. So please, don't sue me.  
  
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"He's this way, sir." The young nurse smiled kindly at Heero, guiding him briskly through the sterile white halls.   
  
Heero followed silently, his thoughts on his fellow pilot. Somewhere before him, Duo was lying in one of these cold rooms, waiting for him.   
  
What am I going to say? Oh God, Duo, please be all right. I'm sorry I waited so long to come back. He tried his best to keep his face impassive as they rounded the corner to where Quatre stood waiting.   
  
"Heero, it's good to see you again." Quatre smiled weakly, but the lines of worry remained etched deeply into his face. He looked as if he had aged ten years in the few months since Heero had seen him.   
  
He's taking this pretty hard. Heero stared at the blonde haired pilot, not trusting himself enough to speak.   
  
"Duo's in his room." Quatre placed a comforting arm around his friend's shoulder. "He's out of the woods now. Most of the wounds he received have fully healed, but...,"  
  
Heero held his breath, knowing the inevitable bad news was coming from the way Quatre refused to meet his gaze. Sighing heavily, Quatre continued, "They don't know if he'll ever walk again. I guess the blow his mobile suit took injured his spine. They're not sure if it's permanent yet, but chances aren't good."   
  
"Is he... all right?" Heero whispered, trying to keep his emotions in check.   
  
"He's... physically he's fully healed. But, mentally and emotionally... he's ready to give up, Heero. It's like he just stopped trying, like he wants to die. We've all tried everything we could think of to help him... but nothing works. He hasn't even smiled once since the doctors told him." Quatre turned to the other pilot with pleading eyes, "You're our last hope. If he'll listen to anyone, it's you. You have to help him."   
  
Quatre felt Heero's shoulders slump. He held his breath, waiting for his friend's response. Please, Heero. Help him... I know you love him. Just swallow your pride and tell him. He needs you now more than ever.   
  
Inhaling sharply, Heero stood and walked toward Duo's room. He turned and smiled sadly at Quatre, then, bracing himself, pushed open the door. Inside, the air hung thick with the smell of medicine and death. A small, surprised sound escaped Heero's lips as he stared at the form lying quietly in the bed. The door swung closed behind him, but Heero's feet refused to move any further.   
  
He looks so fragile... not like Duo at all.   
  
Heero could scarcely believe his eyes. The boy lying there was merely a shadow of the former God of Death. Heero closed his eyes against the sight and finally found the strength to move to the bedside. He regretted moving from the doorway once he opened his eyes and saw Duo close up. The boy's chestnut mane lay limply on the pillow, framing a gaunt, ashen face. The charismatic smile that usually marked his features had vanished, replaced by lines of pain and suffering. Heero felt his heart breaking more and more with each passing moment.   
  
"Duo...." Violet eyes opened at the sound, but they stared up at Heero blankly, all of their sparkle gone.   
  
"So, the perfect soldier has finally arrived." Duo's voice startled Heero. It sounded so different... hatred and contempt filled every word.   
  
It's almost like my own voice.  
  
  
"Well, speak up. Tell me why I `shouldn't just give up like this'. Everyone else has." Disgust filled Duo's features as he stared at the still silent form towering above him. "Go on... I know that's why they came. Because they asked you to. Hell, it was probably precious little Relena who asked you."   
  
"Duo, I...." Heero searched Duo's face desperately for the even the slightest trace of the boy he had once knew. Panting, Duo struggled to pull himself into a sitting position. Heero started to help him, but pulled back when Duo swatted at his hand angrily.   
  
"I don't need your help... or your pity." The long haired pilot gasped as he finally managed to sit up. "I'm different now, you know. I realize the way things really are... and how stupid I was before to think I could make things better by looking on the bright side. It just doesn't work that way... because there is no bright side."   
  
Heero met Duo's icy stare and, voice thick with emotion, quietly answered, "That's bullshit, Duo, and you know it."   
  
Duo dropped his gaze, and turned to stare out the window. "Heero, you surprise me. I thought you already understood the way things are."   
  
"That isn't the way things `are', Duo, and you're an asshole for letting something like this fool you into believing that!"   
  
"What do you mean `something like this'? Do you have any idea what it's like? I'm never going to walk again, Heero, not ever!" Duo wiped the tears angrily from his face as he continued, "I don't see why you're so concerned anyway, Mr. High-and-mighty. You're the one with no emotions, right? Well, you can just keep right on not caring about me and go back to Relena! I don't need you anymore anyway!"   
  
"Duo, there was never anything between me and Relena... there never could have been. I don't love her." Heero turned his head, afraid to let Duo see the pain on his face.   
  
Duo sobbed softly, "Of course you didn't. You don't love anyone. I was a fool to ever think that you could... or that I could make you love me as much as I love you."   
  
Heero listened to Duo continue to cry, feeling hot tears stream down his own cheeks. "I tried to reach out to you, Heero. But you were never there. I waited for you to come back all those months, and then when this... this happened I was sure you would come back. Everyday, all I've thought about was you. But now it's too late, Heero. You waited too long, and I don't think I can stand living like this anymore."  
  
Duo cradled his head in his hands, his thin shoulders shaking violently as he wept.   
  
Silently, Heero knelt beside the bed, laying his hand gently on Duo's head. "Please, Duo. Forgive me. I know I wasn't there when you needed me... I was just scared of what I felt for you. I hoped it would go away once I left... but it hasn't. It just grew stronger."   
  
Heero pulled Duo into his arms, cradling him gently to his chest. "And when they told me you were hurt... I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I let my fear keep me away. But I promise I'll be here from now on. Just please, don't give up on me Duo. I love you too much."   
  
Duo looked up at the boy holding him in his arms and smiled. "Heero...."   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Shut up." And with that, Duo reached behind Heero's head, and pulled the boy's lips closer to his own.   
  
Heero tensed at first, then let himself get lost in their embrace. For what seemed like an eternity he enjoyed the feel of a pair of satiny lips pressed against his own. Finally, they pulled away, each gazing wonderingly into the other's eyes. Then Heero moved to the bed beside Duo.  
  
Smiling quietly to himself, he stroked Duo's wavy hair until they fell asleep in each other's arms.   
  
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A light shone in on the two sleeping forms as the door swung silently open. Quatre gazed in and, spotting the two sleeping figures, smiled.   
  
The door closed as silently as it had opened, and Quatre stepped back out into the hall.   
  
"Here, I thought you might need this." Trowa said as he handed the Arabian a steaming cup of coffee.   
  
"Thanks." Quatre felt some of the tension in his body begin to melt away.   
  
"So, how has he been?"  
  
Quatre smiled, for the first time noticing the worry that had begun to line Trowa's face as well. "Heero's here. And I think they'll both be just fine, now."   
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*** Well, don't say I didn't warn you. Yes, very sappy. Yes, definitely NOT one of my favorite fics. But, you know, I had it and felt like posting it. So... kudos to you for getting through it and not yammying all over the place. That takes a certain stamina. And hey, if you did like it (o.O) leave a review! Hell, leave one even if you didn't. I'd just like to know what people think! Thanks! ***  
  
  



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